This morning I took Asher to the New Mexico Biopark. While Albuquerque does a lot wrong (no, really? ...you only ever have really nice things to say about ABQ...), they do this Biopark right. The aquarium, zoo, and botanical garden are all next to each other and it is the coolest little spot. To be fair, it might be cooler for me than Asher at this age. I was the one shouting "TURTLES!" and "DUCKIES!" when the pond-dwelling creatures would come into view. Let's just say that when Asher is old enough to really enjoy animals and nature, we might as well set up a tent on the grassy knoll ... we will be there all day every day.
So where is the sappy stuff? I am often plagued with a certain level of discontentment. I want to be going back to school, volunteering somewhere, doing something more than what I'm doing in that moment. That isn't to say I'm unhappy, it's just to say I've learned that I'm a fairly restless being and it takes a lot to make me just sit down and shut up and be incredibly thankful for the people and things that I have. Not a good quality in a person, but it is what it is.
But today I was so incredibly overwhelmed with contentedness that I didn't really know what to do with myself. My chest actually felt tight and I thought, Am I having an anxiety attack? and then realized, no, this is the feeling people have when they say their heart is going to explode (cue the sappy). Our stroller was parked next to rows of beautiful poppies and reeds, and I was kneeling next to a creek, one hand resting in the dirt for balance and the other one protectively around Asher. He was completely still. We were the only people in this remote corner of the park, and it was silent except for birds and buzzing bees and bugs. Asher was leaned slightly into me, breathing deeply, staring at what was in front of him. His eyes were huge, checking out the water and the rocks and the dragonflies and the tadpoles. At first he looked really solemn, the most serious expression on his face. But then he reached one hand back to grab my shirt and get my attention, pointed with his tiny little finger, and a gigantic smile covered his face as he started cooing and pointing to every new and exciting thing. And I thought to myself, "This is as good as it gets". If I could have frozen that feeling and that moment in time and just lived it over and over again, I would have. Seeing my child stand there in awe of how beautiful and interesting the world is made me, well, there really aren't words.
It's not rare for me to think "this is the most *blank* I've ever been". Unfortunately it's usually negative. Like "this is the most pissed I've ever been" or "this is the most I've ever wanted to fire bomb blah blah blah" (I listen to too much Eminem...really gets the anger juices flowing...). But today I had the feeling that, "This is the most in love I've ever been". And it was such an intense feeling because I wasn't just in love with my little boy, I was in love with my husband for co-creating him, in love with our friends and family for providing the support we need to give him the best life we can, and for (again, sappy, I know and I don't care) living in a world filled with so much for him to explore.
Luckily, because that level of sappiness and "her heart grew three sizes that day" mumbo jumbo isn't sustainable, Asher quickly moved on from being a perfect cherub of wonder and goodness to being a perfect example of a 1 year old boy. He managed to dunk his right leg up to his knee in the dragonfly pond (seriously, where is this kids mom when these things happen?) and then despite being steered in every other direction, crawled over to dirt and mud any chance he got and ended up a dirty, wet, very happy little guy.
Dragonfly Pond
Full of wonder
Resting
TURTLES!!!!
Alright, alright...I expected to read about YOU crying. I didn't expect for you to make ME cry. Stop it. Love you all so much!
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