Is it terrible that I have been keeping up with the Weinstein news and I yawn? I'm sure most of the women who have ever worked in male-dominated industries/jobs know exactly what I'm talking about. Am I pissed? Oh yeah, super pissed, I can't stop listening to Fiona Apple and ruminating about nearly every work experience I've ever had. Am I sad? Very sad, it is beyond messed up how (some) men treat women every day, and how, in my experience, there are no consequences for their actions. But am I captivated and shocked? Nope. Even a little bit surprised? Uh uh. I'm bored. Because it is so fucking commonplace that I don't even react to it except with an exaggerated eye roll and 'surprise surprise' under my breath. I see it in varying degrees every day, to me and to the strong, ambitious women around me. And to the optimists of the world writing "We won't take this anymore! Things change now! Women get treated better at work starting today!", I have a hard truth for you: Harvey Weinstein isn't a one-off misogynist whose take down will lead to better treatment of women. In fact, this is one of those situations where I would argue the conversations that are being had because of this won't even have a positive impact (unlike the knee-taking discussions that have come out of the NFL news), and might actually do harm. The conversations being had create a safe space for people who are bystanders at best and offenders in their own right at worst. Weinstein's indiscretions are so outlandish they make it easy for every man who has ever committed a 'milder' transgression to join in the conversation of, "Oh my god, look at this, THIS is terrible!". Because they didn't coerce a woman to have sex with them or masturbate in front of them, because THAT is the kind of thing that gets you fired and divorced and lands you in rehab and is clearly unacceptable.
Wake up. The Weinstein's of the world don't only exist at billion dollar companies in Hollywood. The Weinstein's of the world don't operate in a black and white world of what is clearly unacceptable and what isn't. And the Weinstein's of the world aren't acting alone. It isn't enough to say you don't do it. Everyone has a responsibility to be very aware of the culture of their workplace and their home and their community to ensure that people are treated well and that vulnerabilities aren't exploited. To just "not know" isn't good enough (...ahem, Meryl). Here's a thought. How about you operate under the assumption that women are treated differently in your place of work, until you are convinced otherwise? Sounds terribly pessimistic doesn't it. Surely the world can't be so bad. I myself have had some really incredible experiences on male-led teams and in male-dominated fields. But for every one job where a male colleague or supervisor didn't make me feel marginalized or at risk, there are five more where that wasn't the case.
In my last position, on multiple occasions, men asked me to make them coffee or print them copies ('and collate them please'). And not in a "we are all part of a team, I'll make coffee for you next time!" sort of way, but in a "you look like my secretary, while you're at it, could you pick up my dry cleaning" sort of way. That was an annoyance, one of those "soft transgressions" I referred to above, that someone could easily excuse away. But then there was the male employee who was in a special position in the company and needed to be handled 'carefully'. This employee made multiple female coworkers feel uncomfortable while working alone with him in the field, to the point that at least three of them said if they continued to be scheduled with him they would start calling in sick. But he wasn't fired, we just rearranged the schedule. Then one morning he aggressively confronted me publicly in our all team meeting and then requested for us to talk privately. We went down the hall to an office space where we were the only two people there. We entered a conference room and sat down across from each other, and then he went off about how important he is and how I need to start listening to him and how I must not understand his importance and power in the company. His face was red and he was leaning in towards me. He demanded that all the decisions I made go through him from there on out. He told me that he was in charge, not me. He was angry. He was desperate. About four minutes in, I felt a feeling in my stomach and a panic that told me to say whatever I had to say to get out of the room.
Dear women readers, I'm sorry that you know exactly what feeling I'm talking about. I'd had that feeling before. I trusted it. I told him that I would be happy to continue the conversation with him at a later time with another person present, and that in the meantime, would consider his requests. As we stood to leave he hurried to get to the door first, grabbed the handle and held it closed, blocking my exit. The only exit. I swallowed back tears and asked him to move. He looked at me, and with a sick smile on his face said, "Look, I'm not trying to be a dick, but you really need to pay attention," and only after a long pause for effect, he let me out of the conference room. He had a look of pride on his face when I walked out, like he'd made his point. I reported it to the highest level leadership at the company within 20 minutes. The delay was because first I fled. I ran out of the building and got in my car and drove towards home. I cried and I tried not to puke. Surely he got fired, right? Because that kind of threatening behavior towards anyone in the workplace isn't ever tolerated. No. It was 'handled' and I continued to work with this person until they eventually left the company.
Egregious behavior against women doesn't have to include a shower. Or a massage. Or a hotel room. When someone feels unsafe at work, we've failed. And it frustrates me to no end that so many women, so many times in their lives, feel that failure.
It isn't too much to ask to go to work and feel safe. To go to work and get to do your job.
I volunteer with the anti-sex trafficking coalition doing prep work for the Super Bowl in Minneapolis in 2018. In my first meeting with the coalition, one message kept ringing clear from the folks at Safe Harbor and Breaking Free and Youthlink. The message was, "Children are trafficked every day in Minnesota. We should care about this EVERY. DAY. It shouldn't be something that we only pay attention to because it is glitzy and glamorous. The super bowl doesn't somehow make sex trafficking 'special'." And what do you know, Minnesota's marketing efforts are incredibly intentional in the language around trafficking being 'normal'. That isn't to say it is okay. But it certainly isn't unique to the super bowl. I find myself feeling similar thoughts with the Weinstein news coverage. This kind of bullshit happens every day, to people with a lot fewer resources than myself and famous actresses. It happens to children. It happens to people living in poverty. To people with mental illnesses and substance use disorders. It happens to people who aren't from this country and who don't speak the language. We should all be furious for the people whose vulnerabilities are seen as opportunities. And we should be furious every day.
So is Weinstein a gigantic piece of shit? Absolutely. Was it an enormous abuse of power? You bet. But good thing it is just about Hollywood and super rich and powerful people, right? Yeah. I would encourage you to ask the women in your life what they've encountered as professionals. I think you'd be surprised.
