These aren't resolutions. Resolutions feel so definitive and permanent. I don't like things like that. But heading into a new year is the default time to stop and think about life and where it's going and where you've been and make some lists.
I love making lists. I realized the significance of lists in my life this past week when Asher started stealing my pens, finding scratch paper and saying, "I make my list". You make that list Asher, you will find list-making serves you well in life.
I have high hopes for 2016. When I look back at 2015 it is a blur. There were so many high points and great memories, but they are obfuscated by a year of near misses, doctors appointments, stress, and challenges. I'm counting on 2016 to be very boring compared to the past 12 months. Boring would be wonderful.
So here is my list- things to think about/be reminded of in 2016:
1. Be here now.
I am a ruminator and a renovator. Translation: I super suck at sitting still. I have given up on becoming a Buddhist (those guys have way more grace than I do) but it would serve me well to stop mulling over past events/ideas/happenings and scheming about future endeavors/adventures and just be. You know who is really good at living in the moment? Asher. That kid doesn't remember what happened two minutes ago and has no concept of time. His life is literally right now. So in 2016, I will take some pointers from the tiny dictator. But just in terms of the "now" stuff, not the wild vacillation between emotional states or waking up at 4 a.m., that stuff is for the birds.
A reminder from Ray to be here now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vl3V0dTRDvI
2. Be nicer to my body.
This one is actually kind of a cheater reminder because it is super simple. Hey body, I'm going to do you a solid in 2016 and NOT get pregnant, you do me a solid and say thank you by not kicking your own ass. Deal? There has been very little time in the past, oh, almost 4 years, that I haven't been pregnant or trying to get pregnant... and we learned a very important lesson in 2015: my body doesn't like being pregnant. It does a very good job of protecting the little nugget it is incubating in there, but it passive aggressively (or just aggressively?) let's me know that I'm making it mad by trying to kill me nine ways to Sunday. So in 2016 I am going to do yoga, and eat more vegetables, and walk my dog, drink more beer, and recover. I have had an interesting mix of events in my life that have led me to believe that the body is entirely separate from the soul but that mind-body connections are not to be messed with. (That makes all the sense in the world doesn't it?). So this year, the ol' bag of bones gets a break. Don't mess this up body, or I swear to God I'll get pregnant again out of spite.
3. Do more art.
11 years ago I cold turkey quit being an artist. There is a backstory that is neither here nor there, but up until then, art was what I did and who I was. College as an art major is really something. I was introduced to Wyeth and Frankenthaler and Schiele and my life was changed forever. My roommate was a pottery major, our shared best friend a photographer. Our little gang of mischievous art majors would sleep in shifts on the old couch in the art building, pulling all-nighters to cover massive canvases we'd stretched ourselves with whatever was on our minds at the time. It was a life of music and thinking and feeling and doing things with your hands. A vulnerable life, but a rich one. It is clear to me now that my destiny was never to be a working artist, but I think it is time for a reprieve from my decade-long absence from that world.
4. Find the perfect dining room table.
This is exactly what it sounds like. When we move to Minnesota I am going to go to every thrift store, antique shop, and estate sale until I find the perfect dining room table. What does it look like? I don't know yet, but I will know it when I see it.
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