"Dear Homeopathic Teething Tablets,
You have many redeeming qualities. For starters, how adorable are you? A hundred teeny weeny little white tablets in a container the size of a chapstick, you're like tic tacs for barbies! Another plus, it's fun to say words like "homeopathic" and "tinctures". And perhaps best of all, you don't make a sticky mess when Asher goes "bbbmmmmmmm!" and spits you out (like your counterpart, oral tylenol). But oh, homeopathic teething tablets, there is just one things wrong with you. You don't work. Pardon my bluntness. Maybe you work with some kids. Maybe you work at some stages of teething. Maybe you work in conjunction with an analgesic (and let's be honest, if that's the case, you're still not really working, you're just riding on someone else's coat tails). Or maybe I'm just bitter because it's 2 a.m. and I haven't slept yet because tonight, instead of giving Asher tylenol before bed I rubbed three teething tablets on swollen red gums and he has been waking up every 30 minutes grunting, moaning, and crying. If he could talk, he would say "Hey! I'm too young for a placebo effect to work, enough with the sugar pills lady, give me the real deal!" and I'm pretty sure he would have preferred to have given me the message while sitting in front of his drum set, banging on a cymbal, to convey the urgency of his words. So at 1 a.m., after seven hours of 'giving tabs a chance', Asher got tylenol and he is now sleeping soundly. All is not lost teething tablets, you were not a total waste. I will start carrying you in my purse and pretend you are the answer for whatever ails me. Because while the placebo effect won't work on my baby, it will work on me (I used to wear non-prescription glasses to take tests in college because it made me feel smarter and you know what, I always scored better with four eyes instead of two). I mean, how could something so cute (barbie tic tacs people!) not be the answer to something? To that aim, I might just carry around a purse full of baby kittens. Headache? Hold a baby kitten and tell me you don't feel better already. Oh dear, please ignore my all-consuming bitterness. I believe whole-heartedly in the benefits of complimentary medicine, but when it comes to my 8 month old surviving teething with as little suffering as possible, we are going to stick to what gets the job done.
Is it too late to buy stock in tylenol?
Love,
Blair"
I see a big difference between complementary medicine and homeopathy. The belief that things become more potent the more you dilute them because the water molecules have memory of the active agent is rather far fetched and has no scientific backing, it is not how the universe works. Holistic medicine and Eastern medicine on the other hand are totally legitimate and should be utilized when appropriate with "modern" medicine.
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