This is one of those times where I know I should wait an hour and then write this. Or wait an hour and decide if I even should write this. But dammit. This is my place to share cute pictures of my kids and spew about the total and complete bullshit that I sometimes encounter, and I just encountered the most supreme bullshit. And I need this. Because if I don't write this my day will be even more ruined than it already has been by the supreme fucking asshole I just encountered at Target.
You know when you run into people in public and your 'radar' goes off? Total strangers, you've never met them before, don't know anything about them... but you find yourself giving them lots of space and keeping an eye on them? This doesn't happen to me often, but when I does, I trust that spidey sense like it's a siren going off wailing "this person shouldn't be trusted...keep your distance!". Well that happened to me today in Target. I was in line, minding my own business, when I heard the person behind me hiss at the woman he was with "shut the fuck up". She had been talking to a small child who was with them. For the life of me, I don't know what she said that would have elicited that response, I'd inadvertently listened to the whole conversation and she hadn't even been talking to him. It gave me goosebumps, and it made me afraid. It also made me sad for her, and the child, who he then hit with his knee to move forward as the line moved up. Pushing the kid, that just made me mad. I was going to give him a dirty look, one of those "hey now" looks that moms give so well, when I noticed that not only did he have an enormous knife sheath hanging off his belt, he also had the biggest hand gun I've ever seen strapped to the outside of his right thigh. Completely visible. For all the world to see.
So stop fucking traffic. In what crazy, stupid world is this actually allowable? First, can we just start with the fact that although this total gem of a human being may have passed a background check if he'd actually had to do one, he certainly wasn't the non-violent vigilante type who you want to be carrying around a weapon. Let's just start there. Second. Why do I have to be scared in Target while I'm buying dish soap and a bumbo seat for my baby. Oh wait, because some fucking yahoo fancies himself GI Joe and has decided the whole world should know that he has a gun and is in charge. You know what, guy, I hate to break it to you, but the whole time you're bullying your family in line at Target, throwing your leg out there to make sure everyone around you sees the gun, I'm not thinking "wow, this is one tough guy", I'm actually thinking "how small is your penis that you have to talk to her like that and have that huge, gigantic gun hanging out...don't answer that, I know the answer". Just going to venture a guess here, I bet if I'd followed them out to the parking lot he would have been driving a large truck. Am I right? Of course I'm right.
So why am I mad? Why was my reaction to this visceral and nauseating? It isn't because I'm pro gun control. It isn't because I think accessorizing your camo cargo pants with a tactical leg holster is a faux pas. It is because the minute I saw that huge gun I couldn't breathe. My face got hot, I froze and couldn't remember how to use my credit card. My heart started racing. I had to intentionally take a deep breath, then another one, then another one. I'm so mad because I have gone months without feeling the effects of PTSD, I haven't had nightmares, it has been forever since I've thought about the time someone pointed a loaded gun at me, since I've had to remember being afraid for my life, since I've had to relive things that I've spent years trying to move on from. But the funny thing about PTSD is that there are triggers. And the funny thing about having some fucking asshole trying to intimidate everyone around him with guns and knives and his physical presence is that, by golly, that happens to be a pretty big trigger. And after I got myself through the line, I thought about everyone I know who has been affected by gun violence, and interpersonal violence, and any other kind of violence. And I got mad. Like hopping mad.
So here's some food for thought, for all of you conceal & open carry proponents out there. Your "right" to let the world know you have a gun doesn't make people feel safer. You aren't doing anyone any favors. Don't go out in public thinking "I could prevent a mass shooting" or "the world is safer because I'm in Target with my desert eagle". Instead, consider for a moment the distress it actually causes the people around you. That there are more people who would love to live the rest of their lives without seeing a gun or being reminded of guns or having to be surprised by a gun.
That's all.
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