We Four Olsons: Remember when I thought last week was long?

I was just reading through the last post to see where I left off, saw the title and laughed out loud. I thought last week was a long week? That's funny.

I'm writing from Asher's hospital room: a hint as to how this week is about a bajillion times harder than last week. (Isn't it funny how "rock bottom" gets lower and lower?)

So how did we get here? After starting his new medications last Friday, Asher seemed to get a little better. During the day his wheeze went away and he was a little more himself, and while his cough was still bad at night, Ben and I had hope. On Monday we said to each other "He is getting better" (...we said it cautiously, knowing how devastated we would be if it ended up being only a temporary improvement...). I called the ENT on Monday afternoon declaring victory [too cavalier], asking if we should go see GI or another specialty to confirm reflux. He said to keep giving the meds and that on Friday he would refer us out.

Then Tuesday happened. When I picked Asher up from Renae's (his babysitter), she gave me a worried look and said, "I hate to tell you this, but his cough was really bad today. He coughed most of the day, especially during naps." I remember sighing and saying, "If it is bad tonight I'll call to get him in tomorrow." Bad? That night was literally hell. Asher cried for hours before finally 'falling asleep', which really just meant laying down and coughing so hard he vomited. For six hours straight. Ben and I took turns picking him up and holding him, giving him juice, suctioning his nose, anything we could think of to make him more comfortable. At 4 a.m. Ben came back after checking on him and said "He's coughing up blood." We packed up and made our second trip to the ER. They did another chest x-ray, gave him a dose of steroids and a nebulizer treatment, and asked us to see Dr. Good (a pediatrician) later that day. When we got home, Asher puked but then fell asleep. Around noon the radiologist from the hospital called to say his second x-ray showed suspected pneumonia, and that they would forward the results to the pediatrician. At the appointment that night, we explained his three month history of illness/coughing and the doctor said he wanted to ignore the pneumonia and treat aggressively for reactive airway: nebulizer treatments every 3 hours and steroids for 5 days. We liked this doctor, he was very serious about following up frequently with Asher until we figured out what was going on, but both Ben and I left the appointment with a feeling of dread because we knew the night we had ahead of us.

And we were right. Asher cried until midnight, and nothing could comfort him. He didn't want to be held, but didn't want to be put down. He just squirmed and sobbed. Ben and I pulled our mattress to the floor and tried to have Asher sleep with us, but that didn't help either. Eventually we just took turns getting up and holding him throughout the night while he coughed and cried.

Wednesday was a hard day (saying 'hard day' is kind of like asking someone 'are you okay?' when you know they absolutely are not... it just starts to lose meaning after awhile...).

He wouldn't eat or drink, and just cried and moaned. He didn't want me to hold him (which is not normal at all) and nothing I did helped him. On top of him already being completely out of sorts, I was supposed to nebulize him every 3 hours. Has anyone ever tried to nebulize an 11 month old on your own? It's like trying to give a cat a bath. When they have all their claws. And rabies. And you have one arm. We did the first treatment and it made his cough worse, which made him cry harder. Finally, after 3 hours of futile attempts at making him comfortable I had to just put him in his crib. I had been walking around with him for literally 180 minutes- my back hurt, I was dizzy, and I was emotionally exhausted. He sat there sobbing and coughing and I walked around the corner, sat down on the floor, and cried. I cried until I fell asleep, and at some point, so did Ash. We all woke up around noon and went downstairs to try eating. Asher hadn't had any solid food in days, so when he finally ate half a container of food, I sent Ben a picture of him in his highchair to celebrate. But seconds later, he had diarrhea. After I got him cleaned up I tried giving him his dose of steroid. Then he vomited. At this point I called the pediatrician we had seen in the ER the previous week and basically issued a cry for help. She told me that we needed to have him seen that day, and that he most likely needed to be hospitalized. She said too many different people were trying too many different treatments, and that he needed to actually be worked up. We made an appointment with Dr. Good's partner (he wasn't in the office) and were seen at 4:15. When the doctor came in to see Asher she said she was thinking hospitalization before we even mentioned it. Asher was pale, and had lost 10 ounces since 5:00 the previous evening. He needed IV fluids and to be monitored. We left her office and went straight to the hospital where where Dr. Sanzone admitted him to the pediatric unit.

Dr. Sanzone reviewed the x-rays and agreed with the radiologist, who reported an atypical pneumonia. She ordered IV antibiotics and IV fluids. Watching them put the IV in Asher was the hardest thing I've experienced so far as a mom. Ben and I sat on the bed across from the crib while two nurses restrained him and started the IV. He was sobbing and yelling "Mamamamama" while frantically looking over at us. They also took a lot of blood samples to test for everything, as well as nasal swabs for respiratory illnesses. He did come back positive for metapneumovirus, which they think is responsible for his upper respiratory infection (e.g. all the gunk in his nose, which, by the way, they are removing with a vacuum which beats the pants off a bulb syringe).

After reviewing his history more, Dr. Sanzone thinks Asher has a swallowing or structural problem with his throat which is leading to frequent aspiration, causing a chronic cough. This means that when he tries to eat or drink, he has trouble breathing and ends up gagging & choking, and some of the liquid or food goes down his trachea instead of esophagus and gets into his lungs. She got us in with speech pathology at the Children's hospital on Valentine's day, and they will look in his throat and do a swallow study. We see pulmonology the following week.

Asher has done incredibly well in the hospital. He is tethered by his IV, but miraculously hasn't yanked it out or gotten too tangled. He is flirting with all the nurses, each of whom has threatened to kidnap him and take him home. He has slept much better since being in the hospital, and didn't cough once last night. My biggest concern right now is that he is still not eating and barely drinking, and has constant diarrhea, likely from the antibiotic. I'm really worried about dehydration once he stops IV fluids (the plan is that we are going home this afternoon), but we will talk to the doctor about that when they round later today.

Ben and I are doing okay. We are tired and worried, but hopeful that we will get answers soon and relieved that for the time being Asher is hydrated and happy.