So it's no surprise to me, that at the age of 28, I find myself in a swirling, twirling, whirlwind of activity and I'm thinking, "Is it possible to do all of this, and do it well?". I'm now working 30 hours a week for Iowa City Hospice as an employee (...goodbye Olson Consulting Incorporated, we had a good ride!), which is a lot of hours for someone working from home while caring for a 10 month old who likes climbing stairs and propelling himself off edges and thinks electrical cords are ten times more interesting than any fancy schmancy toy. But this isn't me, this isn't my special set of circumstances... this is being a mom. Unlike the days of my youth where I had to search for stuff to do, motherhood drops it all in your lap, then keeps dropping until it's piled way over your head. Here is something I keep telling myself: moms have been doing this for thousands of years. And what it takes to be a mom, to be a good mom, hasn't changed. If the millions of moms that have come before me have done it, I can do it. (...after I give myself this pep talk I look at my 'to do' list that is usually about 59 items long, sink into a pit of despair, and eat two bags of peanut butter M&Ms. Ahhh, that's better).
Not that I would have readily listened to just anyone's advice about how to survive motherhood, but I have a handful of friends who are expecting and I feel like offering up some tips on how to keep your wits about you while you try to do it all.
1. Identify what you need to keep your identity. This took me about 9 months to figure out, and it was a painful process. I wanted to enjoy every inch of motherhood, to embrace driving a minivan gracefully, to eagerly forfeit consecutive hours of sleep and long showers and alone time... but there were some days when I looked in the mirror and all I saw was "MOM" and it was not beautiful, it was depressing. I realized that I needed to be doing something that didn't involve being a mom, even if it was for 15 minutes a day. It doesn't matter what it is, just find the thing that let's you feel like "you" and make time for it.
2. You need a CD of hardcore rap music. Yes. You do. You might be thinking... that's terrible, I hate rap. You hated rap before you became a mom. During the rare errand runs where you are sans child, you need to have a 'go to' mix tape full of explicit, despicable, shameful songs that you can turn up FULL BLAST, with the bass turned all the way up (especially if you drive a minivan), and let that garbage flow through your veins. Let it nurture your soul. Sing (er, yell) along even if you don't know the words.
3. I rely heavily on to do lists. There are so many scraps of paper with things scribbled on them in my office that I feel a little bit like I'm sitting in a hamster cage. But to do lists keep me from realllly messing up. They are also an excuse to buy cute post-its and expensive pens.
4. Relax. But she just said she can't relax, this seems hypocritical... Yeah yeah, I know. But do it anyways. Take deep breaths. Meditate. Turn your phone off for an afternoon. Get someone to watch your baby for an hour while you go get a pedicure, or sit in the sun, or drive around listening to Eminem like it's your job. Relax.
5. Be gentle with yourself. That's all, just do it. Treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend. With kindness and patience and forgiveness. It's easy to beat yourself up as you learn how to balanace being a mom, a wife, a friend, a worker, a playdate acquaintance... but you will figure it out.
6. Enjoy it. It is crazy and 'go go go', but it is so much fun. Every day, even the hard ones, I look at Asher and think, "You are the most amazing person I know." He usually looks back at me, smiles with his big goofball grin and two little teeth, huffs and puffs a dragon noise, then tries to stick his finger up my nose while squealing with delight. Amazing.
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