Happy Friday to Me

It's been a long week in Albuquerque, and today... ugh, today.  When Ben and I realized that we were  relocating to the Land of Enchantment we thought it was so funny that the only two people we knew in the whole state were our respective archenemies.

Archenemy #1 was Ben's roommate from Iowa City, who got caught yelling at Harlan then essentially hid under a rock for 6 months (after a 'talking to' from Ben), moved here for a post doc position before we did.  We agreed that if we saw Jon it would be supremely uncomfortable because he is so scared of Ben he might pee his pants in public.   I'm not exaggerating this dynamic.  When Jon finally moved out, he made his little blonde girlfriend haul his boxes out of our house so that he didn't have to face us one last time.

Archenemy #2 *deep sigh* was my ex-boyfriend from Portland.  How to describe R.J....  Picture the love child of Lou Diamond Philips and Adam Levine, give him an extraordinary inferiority complex, stuff him into absurdly tight jeans and a deep vee black t-shirt, imagine him talking about how no music will ever compare to The Smiths and the Sex Pistols, think back to the person you regret dating the most and multiply that feeling by ten-- that's R.J.  How did I know things weren't going to work out with this guy?  For starters we began dating when I was 20 and he was 28.  That would be like me, right now, at this age, deciding it would be fun to date a college kid.  RED FLAG.   Thing 2, my dad and my grandpa Bear hated his guts.  Thing 3, he once asked to borrow money to cover his rent and instead got a tattoo of a sparrow with a "Mom" banner... on his neck.  Thing 4, he told me I would be prettier if I used more 'product'. Thing 5, he rode a "fixie" (no offense to hipster readers out there... but come on, just ride your damned fixed gear bike without dancing around on it at every stop light like you're too cool for school).  Thing 6, he called me 'kid', as if the almost-decade age difference wasn't Lolita-esque enough.  This list could go on and on.  Yet of all the things that annoy me the most about the guy I once dated, the thing that realllllly gets to me is THAT I DATED HIM.  I mean, SERIOUSLY.  I knew a week into seeing him that it was a disaster.  Yet it went on.  For far too long.  So my issue with R.J. is not about him at all, it's about me, and a time in my life where I was clearly not at my best.  But luckily, when I left Portland, confident I would never return, I knew that I had seen the last of R.J. Torres.

OR HAD I.

Because shortly before Ben and I moved south, so did R.J.  And of all the places in the world, he chose Albuquerque.  And of all the places he could work, he chose Whole Foods.

So today, while shopping with Asher for cleaning supplies to de-allergen our house (code name: Operation Sniffle Stopper), I ran right smack into my nemesis aka 'the person who makes me respect myself the least'.  Of course I didn't realize this until after I'd been milling about the end-cap of his cash register looking for the sample-sized bacon sea salt chocolate bar I was lusting after.  But after I finally chose a line and was conversing with the heavily eye-lined checker, I heard his voice.  Four feet away at the neighboring register, with his back to me, was my ex.  I hadn't seen him while I was scrounging for candy, but he had seen me. And based on the deep crimson color of his ears and back of his neck, he was just as unenthusiastic about our chance run-in as I was.  Needless to say I skeedaddled before making eye contact and having to go through an awkward 'Hey how are ya?' exchange.  But still, the damage was done.

Why can't exes just *poof!* disappear?  From your memory, from your life, from the face of the earth.  Ahhh it would be so much more pleasant.

Instead, I have had to spend the afternoon reminding myself that 2006 Blair is not 2013 Blair, and that everyone makes mistakes.  But really universe, really.  Throw me a bone.

Worth it.