Well That Was A Cute Thought.

I had this adorable idea.  On Asher's last day of school, we would go out for breakfast.  He loves pancakes.  He loves having four choices of syrup.  He loves ordering food and chit chatting with the waitress.  Such a good idea!  I thought to myself as we drove to IHOP, singing along to Raffi, talking about what toppings we were going to get on our pancakes.

Here's the thing about being the parent of a 3-year old.  Much less a 3-year old who is emotionally slingshotting due to move anxiety.  All of those "adorable ideas" are much more likely to blow up in your pancake eating face than be the super cute lifelong memory you were hoping for.

It started innocently enough.  The waitress brought crayons and paper, and once we had been waiting four minutes for our food (which was three minutes too long in Asher's book) he decided the paper was boring and wanted to color the syrup bottles instead.  When I said no he asked, "Color this?" and put the crayons on the seat.  "No, do not color the seat."  "Color this?" and put the crayons on the wall. "No, do not color the wall."  "Color this?" and put the crayons on Sullivan's pants. "No, do not color your brother."  After inquiring about fifty places to color other than the paper, Asher very calmly looked at me and slowly snapped each of the crayons in half, dropping the pieces on the table in front of me.  He then started spinning his juice cup around as fast as he could.  When that was met with immediate condemnation he removed the straw and started spitting juice through it.  At me.  When that was shut down, he picked up the butter pecan syrup and was just about to pour it into my purse when the waitress showed up with his pancakes.  

Then the light switch flipped and Asher became a total delight. "Oh mommy, these are deeeeelicious, thank you!" he kept repeating as he chomped down on pancakes.  Finally, a happy moment, THIS is what I wanted!  So I decided to try to take a picture of Sullivan, Asher, and I at our last breakfast together in Albuquerque.  Fail.  Because as soon as Sullivan realized he was near Asher, he went into attack mode and tried to eat Asher's arm.  Then saw he had pancakes and wanted to eat those.  Interestingly, he only got jabbed with a fork when he went for the pancakes.  Apparently Asher is much less concerned about his own bodily well-being than he is about the preservation of his pancakes.  To each his own. 

Once Asher had eaten all the blueberries off the top of his pancakes, he spiraled into a pit of despair.  "My bluuuuuueberrrrrrrrrries!!!  Where did they goooooooo????"  I asked the waitress for a box and finished my third cup of fully caffeinated coffee (Heart, I apologize, I will give you an extra dose of beta blocker today to help you relax, but it was necessary).  Asher realized he wasn't getting more blueberries and started messing around with his juice again.  I was only half paying attention to him as Sullivan was on my lap pawing at the box of leftovers as I shoveled what was left of my omelette and Asher's cakers into the container... when BLEGH.  I looked down at my lap and saw half digested pancake on my pants.  I looked at Asher whose eyes were slowly welling up with tears, his juice cup in his hands, straw bent where he had shoved it too far down his throat and gagged on it, covered in pancake puke.  "Mommy, I puuuuuked!".  I looked at him, covered in blueberry pancake puke.  At me, covered in blueberry pancake puke.  And out loud said, "Yep, sounds about right."

 Happy family photo?  Heeeeck no.

Right before the fork stabbing of the 7 month old.

"Mommy, I need a new shirt before camp."

Goodbyes Suck

I've said it a hundred times.  And I'll say it a million in this lifetime.  I don't know how I would have done the last three years in Albuquerque without Renae.

She has loved my babies and she has loved me.  Every day that I pick up my kids, I think to myself "dangit we are so lucky" and I have for years now.  But there are a few times where Renae was my person in a way that there isn't a big enough 'thank you' in the world.  When Asher was so sick, Renae did everything she could to help me.  She tried different food, she thickened juice and bottles, she experimented with sippy cups, she fed him her own lunch if he wanted that instead of his own.  I remember watching her walk funny at the end of the day, and I knew it was because she had followed him around, hunched over, for 8 hours trying to get him to eat.  During that same time, there were multiple days where I showed up at her house in the afternoon and she would be on the couch, holding little 1 year old Asher in her lap, rocking him.  They would both be covered in puke, there were so many days he didn't keep anything he ate down or would cough until he vomited, and he would be sobbing and scared and she would have his head pressed up against her, patting the top of his head, and whispering to him that he was okay.  Rather than make my baby puke in a trash can or in a bathroom, she held him, just like I would have done.  And when he was hospitalized in Albuquerque and we felt so alone, suddenly at the door of his room was Renae and Dave.  They had driven to the hospital, put on masks, and were there to make sure our family was okay.  

And then there is everything Asher learned to love from Renae: baking cookies, basketball poop (I think that is from Kars), Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (especially the dance), balloons and bubbles, Tiny Tim the Turtle song, tape, couch naps, circus tents...the list goes on and on.

I don't know what we are going to do without her.  

We will miss the whole Lueck family so much- 

Renae, Dave, Karsen, Kylar, Eric & Dakota (and Charlie!)...we love you all.

Napping at Nae's

Renae and I had our going away extravaganza yesterday...pedicares in the morning, El Pinto at night.  Thank you Dave, for driving us so we could drink too many margaritas and cry for three hours while sharing nachos.

Pre-Pinto

Post-Pinto

We found a kitty!  ...he bit me twice, but I'd had some tequila so it didn't hurt.

Goofs

I will miss the view

We took the long way to get to nursery school last week (so that we could stop by a big construction site and watch diggers for a while).  I will miss this.  As much as I love trees and lakes and grass, there is something absolutely beautiful about New Mexico... even the desert part.

Bert Bert

Between getting ready for the move and closing out hospice work, I've been putting in some long hours and late nights. While the rest of the house is sleeping, this guy guards the door to the office and keeps me company.  Harlan is a good boy.